Calculus & Philosophy {Academic fiction}

Awk-cal III

The test has failed miserably. A result of 2^(-1/2) on your latest cal exam and you know by virtue of your pre-calculations that you won’t get a higher final score than [ln(π + [cosh(ɸ)]^-1)]^-1, where ɸ is the score in decimal of your final cal exam at the end of May. Final fatality! It’s too late to cry and freak out and try to curse God. Whatever you do would just make you look more fat. Since our 18.018th birthday, your center mass has shifted self-destructively from your brain to your buttocks. The only way to put it back is to revolve your body perpendicularly around the axis that passes through our head; you’ll obtain a perfect smashed doughnut with its center of mass at the center of your head, whichever your moment of inertia is. Or perhaps, you can modify your anatomy and switch your head with your buttocks?

Try to focus on your final exam instead. If you can hit greater than 100%, which you obviously cannot, you could have surpass the class average, which before 18.018, your potential was always enabled to do so. That number of doom and voodoo seems to be the official beginning of your head’s forlornness. Your brain has decided to immigrate to the South hemisphere, in some more spiritual environment where it can enjoy some rest. You without your brain in your head will soon retire from rationality – unless you become a perfect smashed doughnut. You, so young, already without your brain will need more than a miracle to motivate yourself to do the final exam. But whose rebellious brain is it that forsakes its owner? Who is speaking to himself about his anatomy disorder? How to tell if this is really you, or that your have already died, that the huge intellectual difference before and after doom is not caused by external force? Now, you know that you have become insane!

Stab your buttocks with high amplitude and satisfaction – the betrayer, your brain deserves to feel pain. You know it is your buttocks that are in pain because it is its atoms that are trembling. You know it is you brain that feels the pain because of some intimate neurological connection with your buttocks. So, who the hell are you in this system? The brain or the buttocks?

It might be logical to say that you are the cause of the pain. But isn’t your brain who has send the signal of to your arms to pain itself? Is it possible that you are some other antiderivative(s) existing beyond the R3 space? Well, you know according to the M-theory that spacetime has 11 dimensions. Who knows what, where, how exactly you are. Maybe you are in a corner of a fractal, moving with α numbers of legs and C10 arms. But how can you define your constants when you integrate your physical, consumable, gross body.

Like how most self-conscious monkeys do, you try to find a meaning of your existence. Deprived of your brain power, you still use math and try to find the basis vector of your realm of life. You close and rotate your eyeballs towards your inner self, try to sense the something, that – according to some philosopher’s haphazard reflection – is called the transcendental ego, which you have no clue of what doughnut it is. Actually, you shouldn’t bother with philosophy anymore; on last test, you got a –E because you wrote “I cannot answer this question, because it is impossible to articulate the answer in proper language. Nobody can.” You were so proud when you wrote that down; you thought that was the right answer, that you have mastered the course and were illuminated. Illuminated by dark empty light is more like it. Thrown into gloomy emptiness! – like right now, your eyeballs might have already rotated π radians, but you see nothing, you sense nothing. Is this what philosophers are supposed to look for? This infinite regression of nothingness – is it you? your transcendental ego? or nothing?

Nay, some ingredients are missing on your doughnut. Spatial experience is not only collected through sensory data; you do also experience feelings, emotions and thoughts, which can be analyzed by observing the chemical reactions in your brain, by plugging wires on your.., in your case is on your buttocks. But can you explain, through deep sensory observation, why? why things happen this way? why sometimes you hate your life and your dog never give a sh*t about its life? why questioning ourselves? why accumulating so many unknowns? does the sequence converges to a finite point? who’s the damn blabbermouth who can’t stop asking damn questions ‽

This doughnut is not you; you know this not you, because you’re ambling in the middle of infinite regressions, while your buttocks still ache, while your brain still feels the pain, while your friend still calls you to stop meditate at the bus stop. You’re not there anymore. You have passed through multiple levels of integration into a new dimension. Even though you have accumulated many unknown constants, you are optimistic about the ending – which if your eyes tend toward to, you might be able to see the last image of the series.

This image which is so small, so trivial, almost touching the ground axis – the smallest, the trivialist, that no further optical expansion can reveal any hidden self-similarity, for there is no more possible self-similarity, for the smallest existent particles cannot shape smaller self-similarities – this image that is duplicated at the other extremity of the series; that if is pierced through by an axis of revolution, the whole revolving series would generate a smashed doughnut, where you, tending toward this image, will soon find yourself in the center of mass, the ground level of the universe. Is this you? or your transcendental ego? or everything?

This which is so far but so close, which is zero-dimension but expand all dimensions, which is the first integral and the last derivative – now you know, this is nothing and everything, i.e.: your doughnut is God.

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Time: 3 days
Words: 1,010

This is actually better than protagonist's ones. Hehe